I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
