I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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