Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
