Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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