I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
