Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
