I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
