does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Randomize
