I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
