I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
