this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
