Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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