there's paper in my vomit.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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