she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
