woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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