Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
