your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
