it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I am one with the molecules
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
