taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
