So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
