ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
