The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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