I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
