Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
