I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm getting married
To pizza
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
