i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
