She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
