shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
