You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
