I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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