We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
