the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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