There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
