I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
