I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
