I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
