I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
