Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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