Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
