The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
