2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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