So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
