On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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