I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
