Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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