And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
