i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
