The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
