he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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