My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
