She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
