Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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